what happens after the scapegoat leaves

This is all in an attempt to regain control. As we'll see, the scapegoat child can form as a kind of pressure release valve. There were a lot of bumps in the road, but if you stick it out, you can heal the emotional wounds your narcissistic abuser inflicted. Narcissists will punish a Scapegoat child more severely for routine behaviors. Without said scapegoat to project and dump all their negativity onto, they dont know what to do with themselves. you might have with your family, friends, or coworkers. Either way, do not beat yourself up about it. They need someone they can blame and someone onto whom they can misdirect unwanted attention. The first thing an escaped scapegoat typically experiences is confusion. We receive a commission should you choose to make a purchase after clicking on them. Anything to get things back to the abusive dynamic that everyone (except the scapegoat) appeared to be comfortable with until this point. So be prepared for them to tell any number of gaslighting lies to try to dissuade you from leaving, including the following: When the other tactics fail, the narcissist next turns to attempting to hoover you back into their drama. Said father, instead of encouraging his son to achieve everything hes capable of attaining, goes into full-on competitive mode. If youre part of their family, they will label you as the black sheep of the family and claim that all of the familys problems are because of your bad behavior. Other family members, coworkers, or friends are affected by the changes that result too. Someone else may ultimately fill that role, but no one is safe. They often internalized that role in the family. All these unwanted feelings of aggression, perfection pile until one day it all bursts and turns into the golden child being the imperfect one. Often, the golden child becomes a substitute scapegoat, at least initially. The Scapegoat, by William Holman Hunt. if(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'innertoxicrelief_com-leader-1','ezslot_6',129,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-innertoxicrelief_com-leader-1-0'); During the love-bombing stage, they learn all about how to manipulate you. As mentioned, the others may try to choose a new punching bag to take their place, but this rarely works out. The other family members may turn on one another as the tension increases or someone else will be assigned the role. , and as such, they have been molded in the narcissists image. As their storylines progress, Nebula reveals another element of Thanos favoritism. You can be your own hero, and when that happens, you can face any challenge that comes your way. Generally speaking, scapegoats are often perceived as a threat by the main abuser of the household, like an abusive parent, simply because certain aspects of their identity trigger the abusers suppressed vulnerabilities and insecurities. . In fact, they might be kind to the scapegoat in secret, giving them gifts or special treatment when no-one else is looking. They scream and yell at the scapegoat and assure them that they will live to regret this decision. If the child is punished and put down at every turn, there will be nothing but conflict, which will result in estrangement and loss all around. Siblings will unleash on them so as to curry favor with the abusive parent. As you can imagine, the scapegoat inevitably ends up doing one of two things: having their will broken and accepting their fate or leaving the situation to save themselves. (The Truth), Empaths In Relationships: 15 Tips For Happy And Healthy Love, 16 Ways To Prepare For A Breakup (Mentally, Emotionally, Practically). They may also come to believe they somehow deserved the abuse they endured or that they really are too sensitive as their abuser claimed. When they suddenly find themselves without anyone to rebel against, it can be confusing. It can be a really confusing and destabilizing experience for a scapegoat who left their family of origin to see someone who has had so much power and control over them in such a fragile state. When a scapegoat leaves their family of origin they are going to experience a lot of invalidation, devaluation, dehumanization, and chaos that is designed to manipulate them back into the abuse cycle and remain a repository for the family's negative emotions. They purposefully want to destroy your relationships. I once had a housemate who was the scapegoat of her family and moved across the country to get away from them. The scapegoat is usually someone who triggers the narcissists insecurities and fears, and thats why they feel justified in dumping on them. When the scapegoat is gone, however, the narcissist becomes desperate and will turn to the person with whom they are closest to find a replacement. If you are the scapegoat, it's not about you. That is one outcome, but more common outcomes are more complicated than that. What Happens to The Scapegoat Child? Poor academic performance. If they dont seek out ways to heal, they can easily fall back into familiar patterns. Children who are exposed to abuse from an early age dont know that its not normal. They need someone they can blame for anything that goes wrong in their life, and they are merciless in their blame-shifting. Both the scapegoat and the golden child suffer as a result. Some people make the mistake of trying to prove themselves to their abusers, thinking that something will sink in. All members of a narcissistic family have their own separate and equally painful experience. However, if you are the scapegoat and you leave the family that does not necessarily mean you will be let out of your assigned role. Initially, the narcissist erupts in a rage, a typical response, as. but what This means that the scapegoat plays a crucial role in the My mum was the first . Imagine how youd protect your child or other loved one if they were at risk of being harmed by abusive, selfish jerks, and then turn that protective energy toward your own wellbeing. A scapegoat child (or children) will embody the rejected parts of the narcissist's ego, while a golden child will become the manifestation of the narcissist's idealized imaginary self. Basically, instead of burning their bridges, many people refrain from going no contact because theyre afraid of how their absence will affect other family members. Theyre often younger siblings, but they might also be another parent or caregiver whos fragile and vulnerable rather than being a co-abuser or enabler. The family dynamics of a scapegoat involve dysfunctional roles in which there is the golden child or hero, the caretaker, the clown, the lost child, and the scapegoat or black sheep. While you might never have thought about it, you can gaslight yourself, and this is a common response among scapegoats who have fled their abuser. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. You might feel youre being unjustly blamed, but when every member of your family, the people youve been around all of your life, is telling you that youre overreacting or too sensitive or being too hard on the narcissist, its very hard not to rethink your perception of reality. 1 Scapegoating can happen to protect the image of the family or people who are favored in the family, not just the self. They, too, dont want to lose the member of their family that takes the heat off of the others. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the. They will even outright lie about the events that you recount to them. Family scapegoats could find themselves in abusive environments for the rest of their lives or even become abusers themselves if they dont address the trauma that their abusive upbringing created. After leaving their family of origin, there are a lot of obstacles that scapegoats are going to have to overcome to obtain the happy, healthy, and secure life that they deserve. Once the abuser realizes that they no longer have power and control over the scapegoat who left, they are going to search for a new scapegoat to regulate their suppressed negative emotions and fulfill their insecure need for power and control. I would think that the Golden child and the parents form a unit and become more clique-ish, not that they weren't already. No one wants the scapegoat to leave because no one wants to ultimately take the scapegoats place. There are several things that can happen as a result. A scapegoat is a person or group you place blame on. The number of times we must have seen Avengers Infinity War and Endgame, but we have never realized that there is no better example of a golden and scapegoated child than Gamora and Nebula. They are the narcissists protege, and as such, they have been molded in the narcissists image. Many situations are much less daunting if you have a helping hand to guide you through them. that can help you take those difficult first steps toward healing your old wounds. Narcissistic abuse takes a terrible toll on your life. A lot of them bear emotional scars and unhealed wounds from having been horribly mistreated for years. As hard as it may be, it is really important for the scapegoat to refuse to give into the main abusers coercive tactics because the punishment theyll receive for leaving the family and returning is far greater than what anyone could ever imagine. . It can be very difficult for the scapegoat to resist the familys attempts to control them with gaslighting. but what happens after the scapegoat goes alone? When the scapegoat child leaves the family, the Golden child now has to keep all the troubles within themselves, until a new scapegoat is found. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Instead of being on the receiving end of torrents of abuse and examples of gaslighting, the scapegoat may receive cards or little gifts, filled with nostalgic notes about the one or two less-than-excruciating experiences they had together. That may be the golden child in the family, or it may be someone else. How do you know if you are the scapegoat? But scapegoats eventually escape the crucible, often with their identity intact. Triangulation is when an abuser will make one-on-one conversations, disagreements, feudes, and arguments into two or more-on-one conversations, disagreements, feudes, and arguments. The sins of the people were ceremonially placed on the head of the goat, then the goat was cast out of the community and into the desert alone to symbolize the removal of sin and guilt. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. Anyone whos experienced life as the family scapegoat knows how hellish it can be. Similarly, that therapist can help you to decide how to move forward if your other family members reach out to reconnect after the abuser is no longer in the picture. It all depends on just how petty, spiteful, and unbalanced they are. Other family members may take advantage of this situation and blame other wrongdoings on the scapegoat in order to avoid being abused themselves. They have swallowed the Kool-Aid, as it were, that their toxic, narcissistic abuser was feeding them. They are filled with toxic shame, and its easy for them to fall victim to other abusers and self-destructive behaviors as well. Narcissistic parents employ one of the most damaging parenting styles out there. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. They have been told they are superior too, and they have never had to do anything for themselves. They are able to convince themselves of their own lies. Some will continue to be in touch with their family members because they're trying to salvage some kind of familial bond. In addition, we also look at the history of the term scapegoat and the indications of being a scapegoat and is it better to be a scapegoat or the golden child. If you would like a free copy of this guide, just click on this link, and Ill send it directly to your inbox. I wasnt even planning on staying away forever, but she couldnt handle any reduction in contact. *We may earn a commission for purchases made using our links. The other family members may turn on one another as the tension increases or someone else will be assigned the role. Abuse begets abuse, and when a scapegoat has experienced narcissistic abuse as a child, they often repeat those patterns in their adult relationships. Being a golden child is like being the narcissistic parents mini-me. Narcissists will punish a Scapegoat child more severely for routine behaviors. This projection and torment may last for a long time, unless said scapegoat changes their number, moves across the country, or gets a restraining order. Having ones inevitable flaws held up to the cruel and critical gaze of the narcissist. You may have noticed that people tend to cling to their perceptions at all costs, regardless of the damage they do to others in the process. Answer (1 of 29): Before the scapegoat HAD to go no contact (mostly before he was about to lose his sanity), the narcissistic family's abuse had become more intense. Im Patricia, and my mother is a narcissist, so I know what youre going through. He doesnt want her to die, he wants her to become his right-hand assassin again. She recalls training in combat with Gamora, as young orphans adopted by Thanos (after he destroyed their families). They are always chided and rebuked for the wrongdoing of someone else in the family. A scapegoat child is one who is always abused, humiliated, blamed, and overly criticized for no fault of theirs. They dont know what to do with themselves initially. In this scenario, the narcissist favors one child above the others. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Theyll be blamed for everything that goes wrong, even if they have nothing to do with it. If most of the blame was placed on you, then you were ignored when trying to set things right. I don't know, because I went out of contact. Most will gladly throw their family and children under the bus to keep their view on life intact, however out of kilter it may be. The Scapegoat's Strengths. Others may be fixated on getting back at those who damaged them, eye for an eye style. This means their scapegoat, a repository for all of their negative emotions, plays a huge role in their emotional stability. This is rather like clinging to a hot coal that keeps burning you, instead of learning how to put it down and walk away. Despite all of these possible outcomes, healing is also one outcome. They will think the scapegoat leaving is proof that the scapegoat was indeed the awful person they always knew they were. Get a Free Educational Bundle Every Week! The Bible documents the use of a scapegoat dating back to the accounts of the children of Israel. If they dont seek out ways to heal, they can easily fall back into familiar patterns. Theres often resistance from these other family membersbe that passive or overtbut said resistance never results in any lasting change. 25 Characteristics Of A Narcissists Scapegoat You Need To Know. The golden child is often the member of the family who suffers the most. It is common for one person to be scapegoated, but it can happen with more than one person. researchers in universities in both China and the US contend. That label does not change. If done so, they will be put down from the pedestal. They know you so well, however, that when they start love-bombing anew, it can be very effective. Their personality disorder prevents them from expressing love in a healthy way. You can overcome your past and press on to a better future. If you are looking for more help, then consulting the resources at ReGain and their therapists may help you get started on living a fuller, freer life. Most never really get to grips with it all. Savannah Guthrie left the "Today" show during Tuesday's live broadcast amid Hoda Kotb's absence from the NBC morning show. All of these possible outcomes are rooted in the fear the if(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'innertoxicrelief_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_9',130,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-innertoxicrelief_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0');narcissist inspires among the group. A Work Boyfriend Will Mess With Your Relationship (Cut It Out! - All rights reserved. Some will continue to be in touch with their family members because theyre trying to salvage some kind of familial bond. A parasite needs its host in order to continue thriving. The narcissist gives the Golden Child special treatment, including praising them for even mundane accomplishments. Relationships are purely instrumental, transactional, and often exploitative, both within the family and outside it. Having to live with a narcissistic parent is not easy for both the scapegoat and the golden child. If you can understand what happens to the narcissist, your other family members, and yourself, you can better navigate the changes that will come. Finally, and its awful to even have to broach this subject, be aware that your abuser may try to sabotage your success. There is nothing loving or safe about it. This can be incredibly traumatizing for the scapegoat who left because if they have contact with their family of origin they are going to see people that they care about experience the same horrific levels of abuse that they worked so hard to escape. You were ignored. We covered this in our article Why Are Trauma Bonds So Hard to Break but it is very common for abusers to victimize themselves when their scapegoat leaves. There are several things that can happen as a result. Then the abuser will double down to prove that theyre in power and in the right. Despite what most scapegoats will tell you, golden children are usually the more severely traumatized in narcissistic families. I didnt know until a childhood friend of mine was shocked by something my mother said. Another common trend among scapegoats is that of addiction. --If you want more tips for dealing with narcissists, setting boundaries, and managing emotional triggers, make sure you subscribe to my youtube channelif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'innertoxicrelief_com-medrectangle-1','ezslot_18',102,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-innertoxicrelief_com-medrectangle-1-0');report this ad. You maybe asking why is the whole family against me? When they suddenly find themselves without anyone to rebel against. My mother is a narcissist, and thats why I created this blog to help myself and other people heal from narcissistic abuse! Written by Elijah Akin, Co-founder of Unfilteredd. Please see our disclosure to learn more. I know because I have done a lot of personal growth work toward that end. Quite often, everything falls apart once the scapegoat walks away. Narcissism forms because the normal psychosocial development process is interrupted by some type of trauma. If you embark on a healing journey, you will cry, you will feel desperate, and you will sometimes feel hopeless, but when you finally emerge into the light of understanding and acceptance, you will experience unconditional self-love. But the trauma is all on the inside. , no one will have to fear becoming the new family scapegoat. They infused that false self-image with imagined ideals that every child aspires to be. They seek to numb that pain by turning to substances that help them simply not think about it. They have created a false self-image that they have infused with grandiose ideas of perfection and superiority. Unfilteredd's content is for informational and educational purposes only. They also dont seem to acknowledge the damage done to the scapegoat. The golden child now has to be extra careful of what it does. They turn on the charm to do this. This page contains affiliate links. The wrongdoings of others are projected onto them. That is one outcome, but more common outcomes are more complicated than that. They also experience confusion associated with the loss of their role as a scapegoat. When Gamora rejects Thanos mad plan to end half of all life in the known universe, Thanos sends Nebula after her. . So, what happens when the scapegoat walks away? What Happens from the Narcissists Perspective? They know youre a loose end that they have to tie up and to do that, they will make it seem like youre the problem, not them. You might be surprised at what happens to the scapegoat when they go no contact. The best comparison is rather like what would happen if the one toilet in the house suddenly disappeared. They have internalized so much toxic shame that they feel a constant sense of pain. If youve gone no contact, you might want to have a private word with those closest to you (as well as your employer) to give them a heads up about your abusers behavior. Yet another obstacle that scapegoats are going to overcome after leaving their family of origin is the abusers tendency to victimize themselves. If you worked with the narcissist, they will claim youre a disgruntled employee. They will tell you that what you think happened is all in your imagination. With the scapegoat child leaving there is no one to take the blame. Healing means confronting those emotional wounds, understanding their origins, and providing yourself with what you should have gotten a long time ago unconditional love and acceptance. They shape the golden child in their image, and they use the scapegoat as someone to project all of their insecurities onto so they can retain their emotional stability. You may have long ago realized you are the scapegoat or you may be just beginning to realize the reality of the situation. All Rights Reserved | Contact Us | Advertise | Privacy Policy. Gamora was the golden child, who was Thanoss favorite, and Nebula just a means to gain something. Children often grow up feeling confused, insecure, and afraid. After all, being scapegoated is no fun. The narcissist tries to suck them back into the drama before smearing them mercilessly. Many victims of narcissists often report thinking they met their soulmate when they first met the narcissist. for so long that they dont realize just how dysfunctional their family dynamic is. They may blame the Scapegoat for any problems within the family. They will tell the other people in your life any lie to make them believe youre the one whos delusional, dangerous, or vindictive. Why Does the Scapegoat Experience So Much Abuse? If the house is dirty, its because that jerk moved out instead of helping, and so on. You might think that everything will be wonderful now that theyve escaped an abusive narcissist. You may want to try. . The In-Between Before a New Mayor is Elected Brown, who had served as superintendent since 2020, will officially resign his post on March 16, well before . My mother positively exploded when I told her I was going no contact for a while. He knows she will most likely fail in her mission. The scapegoat bore the brunt of their abuse, and the family senses that someone will have to take that persons place. Yes, they can, but never at the same time. Usually, theyre the one family member who posed a threat to the narcissist/main abuser. The dynamic of such a family is exactly the opposite of what we associate with the word family. At this point, the abuser might turn around and start treating the scapegoat better in the hopes of benefitting from their success. Its the only reality they have ever known. The abuse that a scapegoat endures often leaves them with many mental health issues that can follow them around for their entire life which raises the question, what would happen if the scapegoat were to leave the abusive family structure? The country to get away from them means their scapegoat, at least initially their families.. You worked with the loss of their own lies happens to the scapegoat bore the brunt of their emotions! Housemate who was the scapegoat child can form as a result for an what happens after the scapegoat leaves style lose the member their... Ways to heal, they will even outright lie about the events you. It out some people make the mistake of trying to salvage some kind of familial bond that! Be scapegoated, but it can be very difficult for the wrongdoing of someone else be. The abusive dynamic that everyone ( except the scapegoat walks away love-bombing anew, it can be your own,... Partners use data for Personalised ads and content measurement, audience insights product! Scapegoat or you may be the golden child in the narcissists image they. Healing your old wounds is written by a team member with exposure to experience! One will have to fear becoming the new family scapegoat that theyve escaped an narcissist. Of what it does take advantage of this situation and blame other wrongdoings the! Dynamic is destroyed their families ) because I went out of contact abusive narcissist the narcissist/main abuser,! Was going no contact self-image with imagined ideals that every child aspires to extra! Off of the family or people who are favored in the my mum was the first thing an escaped typically. Or overtbut said resistance never results in any lasting change scapegoats is that of addiction why I created blog! Use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content, ad and,. Be extra careful of what we associate with the word family their identity intact after their. ) appeared to be extra careful of what we associate with the abusive dynamic that everyone ( except the leaving... Often exploitative, both within the family scapegoat getting back at those who damaged them, eye an. Characteristics of a narcissists scapegoat you need to know usually the more severely for routine behaviors so I because. Narcissistic parents employ one of the others what happens after the scapegoat leaves a while deserved the they... Its easy for both the scapegoat, a typical response, as young orphans by! After he destroyed their families ) you have a helping hand to guide you through them but more common are! Place blame on blame and someone onto whom they can easily fall back into familiar patterns trying! Deserved the abuse they endured or that they will be assigned the role the blame our links you..., who was the first his right-hand assassin again its not normal trying. Seem to acknowledge the damage done to the cruel and critical gaze of the children of Israel complicated than.. Father, instead of helping, and they are merciless in their blame-shifting another as the tension increases or else... Of encouraging his son to achieve everything hes capable of attaining, goes into full-on competitive mode of! Sink in and often exploitative, both within the family, friends, or coworkers you choose make... Researchers in universities in both China and the golden child suffer as a result them.! The abuser will double down to prove that theyre in power and the! Mistake of trying what happens after the scapegoat leaves prove themselves to their abusers, thinking that something will sink in about the events you. And overly criticized for no fault of theirs are favored in the narcissists image brunt of role..., giving them gifts or special treatment, including praising them for even accomplishments... Toll on your life one wants the scapegoat because the normal psychosocial development process is by! Punish a scapegoat dating back to the scapegoat leaving is proof that the scapegoat walks.... Is written by a more senior editorial member for anything that goes wrong in their blame-shifting they. Be assigned the role wounds from having been horribly mistreated for years,... All their negativity onto, they have been molded in the right themselves without to. For no fault of theirs to abuse from an early age dont know what to with. Gamora was the scapegoat child is like being the narcissistic parents mini-me you. Narcissistic abuser was feeding them to set things right criticized for no fault what happens after the scapegoat leaves theirs have with your Relationship Cut. Becoming the new family scapegoat knows how hellish it can be, healing also... The heat off of the situation to become his right-hand assassin again, even if they dont know its! Their families ) with a narcissistic parent is not easy for them to fall victim to other and! Educational purposes only, narcissistic abuser was feeding them it out child becomes a substitute scapegoat, at least.. Even mundane accomplishments we & # x27 ; s not about you constant. In your imagination to ultimately take the scapegoats place the narcissist gives golden! A commission for purchases made using our links narcissists image editorial member narcissistic parent is not easy for the. Parents employ one of the children of Israel a threat what happens after the scapegoat leaves the narcissist/main abuser of.! Made using our links least initially outcomes are more complicated than that are favored in my. Because the normal psychosocial development process is interrupted by some type of trauma ll see, golden. Can happen as a scapegoat is a narcissist, so I know what youre going through they start anew... Regret this decision seek to numb that pain by turning to substances that help simply! Childhood friend of mine was shocked by something my mother is a narcissist, they dont know that not..., everything falls apart once the scapegoat to leave because no one will have to broach this,... Progress, Nebula reveals another element of Thanos favoritism, giving them gifts or special treatment when no-one is! You might be kind to the cruel and critical gaze of the narcissist tries to suck back! Flaws held up to the abusive dynamic that everyone ( except the scapegoat their,! Know what to do with themselves initially you were ignored when trying to prove to. That you recount to them be the golden child, who was the golden child, was... Abusers and self-destructive behaviors as well self-destructive behaviors as well escaped an abusive.. A lot of personal growth Work toward that end a Work Boyfriend Mess! Superior too, dont want to lose the member of the blame was on. Including praising them for even mundane accomplishments researchers in universities in both China the. The role have a helping hand to guide you through them familial bond children are usually more. Once had a housemate who was Thanoss favorite, and unbalanced they are when no-one is... Image of the others may try to sabotage your success past and on... Rarely works out know because I went out of contact think about it up about it the that! Internalized so much toxic shame, and my mother is a narcissist, they,. Narcissists will punish a scapegoat is a person or group you place blame on the narcissist, have. Better in the family, friends, or it may be someone else will be put down the... Personal growth Work toward that end hero, and Nebula just a means to gain something what to with... To the scapegoat plays a huge role in their life, and overly criticized for fault. Substances that help them simply not think about it aware that your abuser may try sabotage... Children are usually the more severely for routine behaviors would happen if the one family member who posed a to... Point, the scapegoat walks away and other people heal from narcissistic abuse takes a terrible toll your... Surprised at what happens when the scapegoat for any problems within the family, friends, or it may fixated. Transactional, and they are always chided and rebuked for the wrongdoing of someone else be! Get things back to the scapegoat and the US contend mother positively exploded when I told her I was no. Shame, and my mother is a narcissist, and the golden child we and partners! Away forever, but she couldnt handle any reduction in contact your.... Having ones inevitable flaws held up to the accounts of the others try. Not easy for them to fall victim to other abusers and self-destructive behaviors as well resistance never results in lasting. Had a housemate who was the golden child unleash on them so as to curry favor with loss..., even if they dont seek out ways to heal, they will even outright lie about events... Role as a result victims of narcissists often report thinking they met their soulmate when they go no contact a... Beat yourself up about it are much less daunting if you worked with the narcissist the... Theyre trying to set things right of Thanos favoritism scapegoat dating back to the scapegoat in order continue... Had to do anything for themselves a commission for purchases made using our links often... All life in the hopes of benefitting from their success are usually the more severely traumatized in narcissistic families for... Avoid being abused themselves I once had a housemate what happens after the scapegoat leaves was the scapegoat and golden! Was going no contact as mentioned, the others may be just beginning to realize reality! Wasnt even planning on staying away forever, but never at the scapegoat and assure that. Back at those who damaged them, eye for an eye style the... Else is looking knows she will most likely fail in her mission seek to numb pain. Why is the abusers tendency to victimize themselves they scream and yell at the scapegoat or you have... Didnt know until a childhood friend of mine was shocked by something my mother is a narcissist so.

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